Shaming yourself will only worsen any anxiety you’re feeling.Here are a few tips for soothing your fears throughout this process: Don’t Feed The Fears One key factor with regard to self-soothing and holding to faith is to not feed fear.So I decided to explore why I could love white men like family but not envision them as potential partners. Love for men who move through the world in ways that remind me of my father. A black man comfortable in his skin and walking in his purpose remains the ideal. There is also the fact that I was raised a good Southern black woman, albeit one freer than most.Fear of being ostracized by those very same men or fetishized by their white counterparts. I grew up surrounded by handsome black men who were strong-minded, hard-working, upwardly mobile and worldly. At a home, it was understood that if Billy Dee Williams — not Paul Newman, not Richard Gere — should ever knock on our door, my mother was leaving with him. Still, as a rule, good Southern black women do not dishonor their communities or betray their history by willingly sleeping with white men. The same grace that is extended to black men who date white women is not as easily extended to black women who do the same.To get the right guy into your life, you've got to be willing to let go of the excuses and get yourself online or out in the real world meeting men. Feel the Fear -- But Do It Anyway Your ego creates fear to keep you safe. It takes courage to do this -- courage I see my private clients show every day when they put themselves in the vulnerable position of meeting and getting to know new men, even though they are shaking in their boots as they do it.This is the way you can find the one who is a good fit for you. Just thinking about dating, you may have felt fear of rejection, fear of not being good enough, fear of being humiliated, a fear of making mistakes, fear a man might not like you, fear of the unknown, just to name a few. What separates the women who get the guys from those who allow their fears to hold them back is a willingness to date in spite of the fears they may be feeling. Actually, walking into fear is never as bad as you think it's going to be. Be Willing to Go Out of Your Comfort Zone Most of us avoid discomfort like it's the plague, and yet it's the best way to grow and get what you want in life. I am willing to find and meet new men even when I feel uncomfortable. You will have to take some type of action to find him.Men of character, wit and charisma, alongside whom I have spent some of the best times of my life. East and South Asians, Persians, Arabs, Native Americans, Polynesians — all options as far as I was concerned. Then came the night my girlfriend jokingly called me a racist after I rejected a list of possible options, including her brilliant and cute brother, because they just were “not my type,” my longtime code for “melanin-deficient.” We laughed about it. I pride myself on being open and accepting people at face value, yet, consciously or not, I was writing off millions of single and potentially interesting American men simply because they were white.
I had no good reason why white guys were off my romantic radar.
Accepting that not dating is a choice gives you the ability to take the next step.
If you are lonely, yet still choosing to not date, there is probably a GOOD reason for it.
How could she be so powerful as to choose to not date? The answer is probably "no." We want to suggest to you that if you aren't doing anything to seek out women and doing what it takes to succeed with them, then YOU are choosing to not date right now.
We'll say it again: Accepting that you are choosing to not date is an empowering step. You are choosing to not do what it takes to meet them.